File: /home/eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/public_html/how-to-approach.html
<!DOCTYPE html
PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN"
"http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en" xml:lang="en">
<head>
<meta name="keywords" content="abc anorexia, about anorexia, adult anorexia, against anorexia, anarexia, anerexia, annorexia, anorexia, anorexia advice, anorexia and bulima, anorexia and bulimia, anorexia and bullimia, anorexia articles, anorexia binge, anorexia book, anorexia books, anorexia bulemia, anorexia bulimia, anorexia campaign, anorexia case, anorexia causes, anorexia charities, anorexia charity, anorexia clinic, anorexia clinics, anorexia definition, anorexia diet, anorexia documentary, anorexia eating disorder, anorexia effects, anorexia facts, anorexia family, anorexia girl, anorexia groups, anorexia help, anorexia in boys, anorexia in england, anorexia in uk, anorexia information, anorexia london, anorexia nervosa, anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa, anorexia nervosa treatment, anorexia nervousa, anorexia news, anorexia online, anorexia people, anorexia recovery, anorexia signs, anorexia site, anorexia sites, anorexia statistics, anorexia stories, anorexia support, anorexia support groups, anorexia symptoms, anorexia the facts, anorexia tips, anorexia treat, anorexia treatment, anorexia treatments, anorexia uk, anorexia website, anorexia websites, anorexia weight, anorexia weight loss, anorexic, anorexic eating, anorexic recovery, anorexics, beat anorexia, binge, binge eating, binge eating disorder, body image, books about anorexia nervosa, boy anorexia, bulemia, bulimia, bulimia cure, bulimia eating disorder, bulimia help, bulimia help self, bulimia nervosa, bulimia recovery, bulimia support, bulimia therapy, bulimia treatment, bulimic, causes of anorexia, compulsive eating, compulsive eating disorder, compulsive overeating, dieting, eating, eating disorder, eating disorder help, eating disorder recovery, eating disorder therapy, eating disorder treatment, eating disorder treatments, eating disorders, eating disorders anorexia, eating disorders bulimia, eating disorders help, eating disorders statistics, eating disorders treatment, extreme anorexia, facts on anorexia, friend with anorexia, help for anorexia, holy anorexia, information on anorexia, male anorexia, nervosa, obesity anorexia, overcoming bulimia, overeating, people with anorexia, people with bulimia, pro anorexia, pro anorexia sites, pro anorexia websites, recovering from bulimia, rise in anorexia, signs of anorexia, stop bulimia, support for anorexia, teenage anorexia, treatment for anorexia, treatment for anorexia nervosa, treatment for eating disorders, treatment of anorexia, treatment of anorexia nervosa, treatments for anorexia, what is anorexia"/>
<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"/>
<title>How to approach? | Eating Disorder Advice</title>
<link rel="canonical" href="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/how-to-approach/" />
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/assets/templates/abc/blueprint/screen.css" type="text/css" media="screen, projection"/>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/assets/templates/abc/css/style.css" type="text/css" media="screen, projection"/>
<base href=".">
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/manager/media/script/mootools/mootools.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/assets/snippets/ajaxSearch/js/ajaxSearch.js"></script>
<!-- end AjaxSearch header -->
</head>
<body>
<div id="wrapper">
<div id="search">
<div class="container">
<form id="ajaxSearch_form" action="0" method="post">
<label for="ajaxSearch_input">
<input id="ajaxSearch_input" type="text" name="search" value="Search here..." onfocus="this.value=(this.value=='Search here...')? '' : this.value ;"/>
</label>
<label for="ajaxSearch_submit">
<input id="ajaxSearch_submit" type="image" src="https://www.eatingdisordersadvice.co.uk/assets/templates/abc/css/images/search.jpg" name="sub" value="Go!"/>
</label>
</form>
<div id="ajaxSearch_output" style="opacity:0;filter:alpha(opacity=0);-moz-opacity:0.;"> </div></div>
</div>
<div id="logo_header"><span class="container" id="logo_container"><div id="abc_logo" class="span-12">Anorexia And Bulimia Care</div><div id="top_nav_helplines" class="span-12 last"><ul id="top_nav">
<li><a href="../join/" title="Join ABC">Join EDA</a></li>
<li><a href="../contact/" title="Contact ABC">Contact EDA</a></li>
<li class="list_last"><a href="../media/" title="Media Information">Media Info</a></li>
</ul>
<div id="helplines" style="margin-top:-14px">
<p><b>Tel: 08500 1 22 555</b></p>
<p>Parent Helpline: Option 1</p>
<p>Sufferer Helpline: Option 2</p>
<p>Self-Harm Helpline: Option 3</p>
</div></div></span></div>
<div id="main_navigation_container"><div id="main_navigation" class="container"><ul><li><a href="/" title="Home">Home</a></li>
<li><a href="../about/" title="About EDA">About EDA</a></li>
<li><a href="../disorders/" title="Eating Disorders">Eating Disorders</a></li>
<li><a href="../recovery/" title="Recovery">Recovery</a></li>
<li><a href="/" title="Sufferers">Sufferers</a></li>
<li class="active"><a href="../Supportfamilyfriends/" title="Family & Friends">Family & Friends</a></li>
<li><a href="../you-can-help/" title="You can help">You can help</a></li>
<li><a href="../links/" title="Links">Links</a></li>
<li><a href="../help-directory/" title="Help Directory">Help Directory</a></li>
<li class="last"><a href="../publications/" title="Publications">Publications</a></li>
</ul></div></div>
<div id="main_image">
<div id="primary_image_container" class="container">
<div id="breadcrumbs"><span class="B_crumbBox"><span class="B_firstCrumb"><a class="B_homeCrumb" href="../home/" title="Homepage">Home</a></span> » <a class="B_crumb" href="../Supportfamilyfriends/" title="Support For Family and Friends">Family & Friends</a> » <a class="B_crumb" href="../eating-disorders-in-teenagers/" title="Eating Disorders in Teenagers">Eating Disorders in Teenagers</a> » <span class="B_lastCrumb"><span class="B_currentCrumb">How to approach?</span></span></span></div>
<div id="primary_image" class="span-18"><p></p></div>
<div id="primary_secondary_nav" class="span-6 last"><ul><li><a href="../support-carers-general-info/" title="General Information">General Information</a></li>
<li class="active"><a href="../eating-disorders-in-teenagers/" title="Eating Disorders in Teenagers">Eating Disorders in Teenagers</a></li>
<li><a href="../eating-disorders-in-children/" title="Eating Disorders in Children">Eating Disorders in Children</a></li>
<li><a href="../eating-disorders-in-boys/" title="Eating Disorders in Boys">Eating Disorders in Boys</a></li>
<li class="last"><a href="../helpful-dos-donts/" title="Helpful Do's & Don'ts">Helpful Do's & Don'ts</a></li>
</ul></div>
</div>
</div>
<div id="main_content" class="container">
<div id="content" class="span-18"><h1>How to approach?</h1><p>One of the most common questions we receive at ACHE is from a parent/family member who is concerned about a child/teenager and is seeking advice about how to approach them about what is going on. It can be very tricky, and a lot of teenagers in particular react very defensively to any kind of questioning about their health, weight or eating. We would offer two main pieces of advice for the moment – but if you are in this situation then do get in touch and we can offer you more specific guidance. We also have some very useful guide booklet to help you. Please see our <a title="Publications" href="../publications/">publications</a> page.</p>
<p style="color: #f08c2a;">Avoid challenging them about their eating/weight.</p>
<p>The aggressive, defensive responses which you are trying to avoid stem mostly from the fear of losing control over eating, or of being made to change eating and gain weight. A lot of sufferers feel that all the people around them want them to do is just get fatter and stop causing trouble. It is really important that you show that you are concerned about much more than this – about how they are feeling in general. For this reason, if you can, it is better to start off by talking to them about some of the other changes you have noticed, and how they are feeling in themselves. So if you have noticed a change to their mood, or emotions, or to things that they used to enjoy doing, this is a much better thing to start to talk about. Be empathetic and sympathetic, and view this first chat as a chance to start communicating. You may not even get to mention the weight/eating issue in this first chat and that is fine. You need to get their confidence, and make it clear that you are on their side.</p>
<p style="color: #f08c2a;">Do not confront</p>
<p>When talking to someone who is struggling with an eating disorder you have to remember that for them life has become lived on a knife-edge of anxiety. If therefore they feel that in any way you are pushing them, or trying to take control from them, they are likely to react by digging their heels in and refusing to cooperate. They will also be likely to feel that you, like everyone else, are against them. For this reason, avoid being confrontational when you chat to them. Instead adopt as relaxed a style as you can, and try to gain as much understanding as possible about how they are feeling. So avoid statements like ‘Well you just need to eat a bit better, don’t you!’ and try to use things like ‘So you want to eat a bit better but feel really scared about losing control, is that right?’. You may still find that they become emotional and tense – and if this happens you might want to withdraw and maybe start up the conversation at another time. Most of all, avoid the temptation to give in to your own fears and try to take control. This is a very understandable response, particularly if the child is younger – but often is counterproductive and just makes things worse. Remember that your first aim is to get communication open, and to give them some support because they are probably feeling dreadful.</p>
<p>If all else fails ….. It may be that you have already tried to approach your child and it has failed, or that you feel you do not have the right kind of relationship with them to be able to approach them. If this is the case then do consider whether there is someone else who might be better placed to talk to them – perhaps a trusted teacher, friend or aunt. Be very careful however, about who you decide to tell, as it is vital that your child does not feel that they are being talked about. It is much better if the person who does speak to them has already noticed what is going on themselves. If your child is very defensive and you find you are unable to say anything to them at all without being shouted at, one thing that sometimes works is to use short notes or cards. You can leave a note/card somewhere where they will find it, even at a time when they will be unable to immediately come and shout at you. This means you can be totally non-confrontational, and that if your child finds it impossible to talk to you face to face, s/he does have another way of communicating. You can suggest in the note that they reply by another note, and where they could leave it for you. Some parents have even agreed in the note that they will never mention these issues face to face unless the child brings it up first. All of this helps them to feel really secure and in control – but does ensure that some form of communication begins. </p></div>
<div id="adspace" class="span-6 last"></div>
</div>
<div id="footer">
<span class="container">
<ul>
<li>© 2024 Eating Disorder Advice</li>
<li><a href="../privacy/" title="Privacy Policy">Privacy Policy</a></li>
<li><a href="/" title="Sitemap">Sitemap</a></li>
<li class="list_last">Website Designed & Developed By <a href="https://purethoughtdesign.co.uk/"> Pure THOUGHT</a>
</ul>
</span>
</div>
</div>
</body>
</html>?>
?>
<noscript>
</noscript>